Critical life and relationship lessons with divorce attorney, coach, speaker, and author, Gabrielle Hartley: TWMM 074

Gabrielle Hartley, is an attorney, mediator, speaker and first-time author. Her new book, Better Apart; The Radically Positive Way to Separate (Harper Wave) integrates mindfulness, meditation together with practical legal wisdom and insight. People magazine has called it the “conscious uncoupling how-to” and The NY Post compared it to Marie Kondo’s Tidying Up

Gabrielle has resolved hundreds of trial ready contentious divorces over the past 20+ years with forward-thinking insight and skill. Her non-toxic approach to divorce, keeps 99% of her cases out of the courtroom and at the negotiating table as she effectively supports her clients create a healthy, uplifted post-divorce life family–together apart.

Her legal practice is informed by her professional experience as well as her personal understanding from growing up with parents who navigated their 1980 divorce in a manner that can only be described as radical and revolutionary. Gabrielle served as court attorney for Judge Jeffrey Sunshine, in NYC matrimonial court, and is a member of the Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation and the New York City Bar Association.

Gabrielle presently has an active legal, divorce coaching and family mediation practice. She resides in Northampton, MA, is married, and has three sons.

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Sneak Peek Into What You’ll Learn…

2:32 – Gabrielle tells me why she decided to build a career focused on divorce. She also explains what it is about her unique approach that keeps 99% of clients out of the courtroom.

5:24 – We learn the five pillars of an elegant divorce, which are lessons we can all apply to our lives, regardless of relationship status. Gabrielle dives deeper into the pillars of patience and peace, and shares practical ideas for managing our emotions.

14:50 – We dive into the pillars of respect and clarity. Gabrielle emphasizes self-respect as the starting point and she describes how you can achieve clarity through three steps: visualize, internalize, realize.

21:22 – Gabrielle talks about forgiveness as a critical pillar for an elegant divorce. She shares her personal experience of struggling with anger and forgiveness and provides actionable advice on how to move on..

26:33 – Did Gwyneth Paltrow’s 2014 ‘conscious uncoupling’ influence Gabrielle’s book? Gabrielle reveals the inspiration behind Better Apart and her reasons for incorporating yoga.

32:47 – No matter the age of your child, adult problems are not their problems. Gabrielle outlines steps that people can take to support their kids emotionally

39:38 – Gabrielle opens up about what it’s like to work on divorce all day every day. She shares the important steps she takes to recharge and managed her emotional well-being

43:04 – Brass Tacks: The lightning round of concrete advice and tips

Quotable quotes:

“You don’t need to be in agreement with the other person or with the situation but you find a way to view the situation so that it’s no longer negative.”

“When we feel crappy about our situation, it can be hard to feel good about ourselves.”

“There’s this expression that my grandfather used to say which was: ‘Never throw anybody away, just put them on a shelf.’”

“When we recognize that we have the agency to forgive, we’re giving ourselves control over our emotional futures. We’re no longer victims of our present circumstances.”

“Navigating the divorce isn’t just about the one to three years that you are dealing with the divorce… It’s also navigating the rest of your kid’s childhood.”